Moving Away from Aversive Responses

+WonderfulWorld

When we find ourselves confused by another’s behavior, we have a few choices. We can attempt to understand it, aversion or to simply ignore it. 

I have found those who choose aversion tend to lash out in way’s that are not helpful or conducive to moving forward. These people also recirculate and repeat their ideas and feelings about someone instead of effectively challenging those thoughts. 

If given the opportunity to engage or interact with the person at the focus of those thoughts and feelings, these people tend to not want to listen or expand their understanding but to reinforce their negative, aversive view of their target.

I strive to always challenge my own views as much as I challenge the views of others. It is unfortunate when others constantly, consistently work against others without any regard for understanding or compassion and certainly no ability to generate patience. These all require discipline.

We have to strive to build discipline. Otherwise, we not only work against our own better interests, we work against the better interests of all those in our lives.

Domestic Violence, Trauma . . . Please Ask for Help

If you think it's ever acceptable to put your hands on your partner or ex-partner or anyone, you're messed up and need help. 

+WonderfulWorld

 

If you let someone continue to be in your life that does so without that person getting help and taking the tangible steps necessary to get better, you need help.

We cannot allow those in our lives to abuse us in these ways. At some point, they may take it way too far and then you don't have any choice left. 

Tragic, traumatic events have taken place again. I'm devastated; that's all the living are left with way too damned often. There's no making sense of the senseless. It's just traumatic. 

Compromising in Relationships

+WonderfulWorld

 

Compromising begins with truly listening to your partner in order to gain a better understanding of and with your partner.

Compromising doesn’t mean changing who you are, but it can mean altering the choices and decisions you take in how it affects and impacts the life and general well-being of your partner.

Through real communication, partners can better understand what each other is actually doing and if it truly is the actions and behaviors that are creating friction and unease.  More likely, it is something more personal and individual taking place that creates an action or behavior as well as the reaction to those actions and behaviors.

If you enter into a conversation with your partner to ‘change’ that person, what you are doing is having it only your way. That really isn’t a conversation at all.

Changing long-standing behaviors is very difficult and takes diligence, patience and compassion from both partners. Some people aren’t aware of how others experience of the behaviors that have developed over the course of their lives.

 If you are making the relationship all about your comfort and how happy you are, maybe you’re not ready for an adult relationship.

Moving Beyond Minority Subset Culture

+AmazingWorld

 

Gay male culture mimics minority culture because gays are minorities. 

Subsets within the community have largely developed based on surface/body-type issues, sexual and social behaviors as well as ideological/religious/upbringing beliefs. These three main subsets overlap for some and don't apply fully for others. However, if you generalize, these subsets are common differentiations for all people: physical, emotional/sexual, and mental/spiritual. 

Some homosexuals gravitate toward others within their community looking for the acceptance and recognition they found lacking from family and community in early childhood, adolescence and early adulthood. For some, those subsets readily provide that acceptance and recognition with no words necessary. However, for many these subsets lack substantial, genuine and sincere human interaction or fulfillment. 

I would highly suggest not looking for the gay community, anyone or anything to fill the void in one's life. If minority and majority culture is not fulfilling for you, embrace your individuality. Don't turn the gay community or the community-at-large into the enemy or the problem. Absolutely don't turn yourself into the problem, either. Turn yourself, your daily life and your choices into the way forward. 

Breaking Through the Bulkhead Moment

+Wonderful World

I had active-healing dreaming taking place early this morning. So, I woke up early to write out some broad ideas from the dreams and the activities that led to the damage that required the healing.

About a week and a half ago, in joyous exuberance I ended up overextending a leap, tripping and falling, and shortly after being kicked in the head by a concrete cherub, all in the 'safety' of the home. This began a stretch of unfortunate injuries, decisions and repercussions, possibly exacerbating both PTSD and concussion symptoms. 

One of these choices was watching American Sniper. I wanted to experience this movie for a multitude of reasons. I knew by its very nature that both fringes would be using it as a political weapon against the other, so watching it would inoculate me against biased views not based on reality. I was absolutely accurate on that prediction. My thoughts on the resulting controversies as well as on the movie itself I'll post later today on Rise of the Middle.

Of course, I knew watching the movie would undoubtedly trigger the hell out of my own PTSD, which it absolutely did. However, I am of the mindset that dealing with what develops from self-created opportunities of triggering PTSD can be highly productive when followed through until resolution. One week later I have managed that resolution and am much better for experiencing it.

Through the course of this week, I've had so many clumsy accidents resulting in injuries that at moments it was highly concerning. I never give up or surrender to physical, emotional, mental or external threats. I always meet these head-on . . . hence, the strategy involved in pressuring my mind such as I did. 

And, today, I feel resilient, buoyant and more. Yesterday, was able to visit a favorite outdoor place of mine, Allerton Park, with a friend. The sunlight, the walking and struggling through my injuries, the fresh air . . . it was the breaking though the internal bulkhead moment that helped crystallize the week's worth of struggles.

This dream I had was about transformative ideas. How does this happen? Initially in the dream, I struggled to figure out how to get those ideas into the mind. I came up with an idea . . . Drill down, toss in the dynamite (the transformative idea) and explode those ideas throughout your mind and into every aspect of your external daily life. What happened next was transformative! Check that out on The Ridding of Ignorance later today.

Enjoy the day! Yes, I know I just gave myself a lot of work to do.