Sunday, February 8, 2015

Compromising in Relationships


Compromising begins with truly listening to your partner in order to gain a better understanding of and with your partner.

Compromising doesn’t mean changing who you are, but it can mean altering the choices and decisions you take in how it affects and impacts the life and general well-being of your partner.

Through real communication, partners can better understand what each other is actually doing and if it truly is the actions and behaviors that are creating friction and unease.  More likely, it is something more personal and individual taking place that creates an action or behavior as well as the reaction to those actions and behaviors.

If you enter into a conversation with your partner to ‘change’ that person, what you are doing is having it only your way. That really isn’t a conversation at all.

Changing long-standing behaviors is very difficult and takes diligence, patience and compassion from both partners. Some people aren’t aware of how others experience of the behaviors that have developed over the course of their lives.

 If you are making the relationship all about your comfort and how happy you are, maybe you’re not ready for an adult relationship.

Sunday, February 1, 2015

Moving Beyond Minority Subset Culture

Gay male culture mimics minority culture because gays are minorities. 

Subsets within the community have largely developed based on surface/body-type issues, sexual and social behaviors as well as ideological/religious/upbringing beliefs. These three main subsets overlap for some and don't apply fully for others. However, if you generalize, these subsets are common differentiations for all people: physical, emotional/sexual, and mental/spiritual. 

Some homosexuals gravitate toward others within their community looking for the acceptance and recognition they found lacking from family and community in early childhood, adolescence and early adulthood. For some, those subsets readily provide that acceptance and recognition with no words necessary. However, for many these subsets lack substantial, genuine and sincere human interaction or fulfillment. 

I would highly suggest not looking for the gay community, anyone or anything to fill the void in one's life. If minority and majority culture is not fulfilling for you, embrace your individuality. Don't turn the gay community or the community-at-large into the enemy or the problem. Absolutely don't turn yourself into the problem, either. Turn yourself, your daily life and your choices into the way forward.