The Currently Unreachable

+AmazingWorld

I always strive to understand others, especially those who appear to have adamantly oppositional views and perspectives from my own. I actually approach most issues with the agenda of gaining additional understanding as opposed to solidifying my own. This tends to aggravate or frustrate others that wish to use common push and pull tactics to control or adequately predict the behavior of others. 

Despite my attempts at reaching understanding with others, I often seem to fail, especially in text-based environments. The most likely reason is the lack of human-to-human connection that exists in those settings. However, this also applies to anyone who must have me play the role of antagonist regardless of my actual actions, words, and intentions or the time, place and setting of the encounter.

I would call most of these people, and myself with regards to them specifically, currently unreachable. It’s not that understanding isn’t possible or isn’t even a potential through further contemplation or meditation, but that a direct and mutual understanding simply is not. 

This is simply a failing of my own creation. Some people don’t want to connect or to be understood. In fact, by my wading into their world I may have damaged them, triggered their reactivity or created a dynamic that they simply wish to ignore. This is not a healthy energy or atmosphere for me to create for not only others but for myself as well. 

This is a challenging notion for me to grapple with, but as I continue to move on with my life and begin selecting environments with people that are more open and hospitable to that dynamic and communicative understanding, I should be more mindful of those who simply are not currently reachable. 

Moving Away from Aversive Responses

+WonderfulWorld

When we find ourselves confused by another’s behavior, we have a few choices. We can attempt to understand it, aversion or to simply ignore it. 

I have found those who choose aversion tend to lash out in way’s that are not helpful or conducive to moving forward. These people also recirculate and repeat their ideas and feelings about someone instead of effectively challenging those thoughts. 

If given the opportunity to engage or interact with the person at the focus of those thoughts and feelings, these people tend to not want to listen or expand their understanding but to reinforce their negative, aversive view of their target.

I strive to always challenge my own views as much as I challenge the views of others. It is unfortunate when others constantly, consistently work against others without any regard for understanding or compassion and certainly no ability to generate patience. These all require discipline.

We have to strive to build discipline. Otherwise, we not only work against our own better interests, we work against the better interests of all those in our lives.

Domestic Violence, Trauma . . . Please Ask for Help

If you think it's ever acceptable to put your hands on your partner or ex-partner or anyone, you're messed up and need help. 

+WonderfulWorld

 

If you let someone continue to be in your life that does so without that person getting help and taking the tangible steps necessary to get better, you need help.

We cannot allow those in our lives to abuse us in these ways. At some point, they may take it way too far and then you don't have any choice left. 

Tragic, traumatic events have taken place again. I'm devastated; that's all the living are left with way too damned often. There's no making sense of the senseless. It's just traumatic. 

Compromising in Relationships

+WonderfulWorld

 

Compromising begins with truly listening to your partner in order to gain a better understanding of and with your partner.

Compromising doesn’t mean changing who you are, but it can mean altering the choices and decisions you take in how it affects and impacts the life and general well-being of your partner.

Through real communication, partners can better understand what each other is actually doing and if it truly is the actions and behaviors that are creating friction and unease.  More likely, it is something more personal and individual taking place that creates an action or behavior as well as the reaction to those actions and behaviors.

If you enter into a conversation with your partner to ‘change’ that person, what you are doing is having it only your way. That really isn’t a conversation at all.

Changing long-standing behaviors is very difficult and takes diligence, patience and compassion from both partners. Some people aren’t aware of how others experience of the behaviors that have developed over the course of their lives.

 If you are making the relationship all about your comfort and how happy you are, maybe you’re not ready for an adult relationship.

Moving Beyond Minority Subset Culture

+AmazingWorld

 

Gay male culture mimics minority culture because gays are minorities. 

Subsets within the community have largely developed based on surface/body-type issues, sexual and social behaviors as well as ideological/religious/upbringing beliefs. These three main subsets overlap for some and don't apply fully for others. However, if you generalize, these subsets are common differentiations for all people: physical, emotional/sexual, and mental/spiritual. 

Some homosexuals gravitate toward others within their community looking for the acceptance and recognition they found lacking from family and community in early childhood, adolescence and early adulthood. For some, those subsets readily provide that acceptance and recognition with no words necessary. However, for many these subsets lack substantial, genuine and sincere human interaction or fulfillment. 

I would highly suggest not looking for the gay community, anyone or anything to fill the void in one's life. If minority and majority culture is not fulfilling for you, embrace your individuality. Don't turn the gay community or the community-at-large into the enemy or the problem. Absolutely don't turn yourself into the problem, either. Turn yourself, your daily life and your choices into the way forward.